First off i hope people at today's APO meeting (3/9/08) know that i am fine with the outcome of the motion and that i hold no grudges towards anybody who voted against it or anyone who spoke their minds during the discussion of the motion.

I guess what i've decided to do here in this note is just to get across my ideas and viewpoints.

*note a lot of things that i am going to talk about here i've said during the discussion part of the motion"

So the motion i created was "i move to credit Kyle Higashidani, Matt Tan, Brian Chen, and Jacky Luong 3 hours of community service hours for their involvement with creating sectionals favors for sectionals."

The first point i wanted to come across with was that I openly admitted that i had not done my job properly and that that is why in my motion i had not put my name up for receiving service hours and that because i didn't do my job properly that the individuals name above shouldn't be discredited.

The next point I wanted to come across was that I wasn’t here to try to sneak around the SVPs and that I wasn’t trying to take advantage of the system. I was merely using my active powers to try and get across how I felt about getting those individuals what I believe they deserved.

The major point I was trying to get across was that simply we’re brothers in a fraternity. As brothers we look out for one and other. I understand that there are rules and guidelines, but I truly felt that as brothers we look at each other and how we conduct ourselves and the integrity of each individual and how that should have more priority over rules and regulations.

Some of the main arguments that came across were.

1. That if this motion passed it would set “precedence” over other cases similar to this one.

My refutation was that I am presenting this motion, not trying to set any type of precedence on anything, but merely trying to get what I believe the people who did me a favor what they deserved.

2. People do service and don’t get recognition, why should these people be any different

I believe I said its true I agreed with what that person said, but for myself “I” wanted to have them recognized. They did a huge favor for me and I felt they deserved the credit.

One of the Key things I hope everybody got out of this was that each and every individual who was going to receive credit, were individuals with integrity and that every individual I named were all ACTIVE actives and not just people trying to squeeze by with the bare minimum. 3 are pledge trainers and 1 has gone to every meeting and actively goes to events. And that it was a little disheartening to understand that there was no leeway for any compromise, even with these types of individuals.

There is nothing more i can say than that i have the bestest friends in the world. A lot of people have trouble putting their trust into individuals, but i am blessed/lucky that i can do that with each and every one of my friends. I keep telling people i am just so lucky to have friends that have never done anything (well that i know of) that have made me think of them as not a good friend. This whole week was a blast from this valentines to serve on the weekend and ending with roll call practice. Its gone by so fast and i really wish time would slow down.

To be honest words cannot describe how much i feel towards all my friends who came to applebees and to serve and people who wished me a happy birthday. If there is one thing that drives me everyday to continue to go on is friendship. To hold and to make stronger the bonds i currently have and all the new friends i meet almost everyday.

I guess during my pre-early birthday party i started talking about people and what i thought about them. I think if i was drunk for the next week 24 hours a day people would get tired of me because all i would talk about if all the good things that i see in them and all the things that i want to incorporate in my own lifestyle.

Words seriously cannot do justice to how i feel about my friends and the new people i've met in APO. i can only continue to thank my luckiness to have been given the chance to meet all these people.

i have to go to sleep now, but i really want to write more in the next few days so i can remember my thoughts as my 21st birthday has passed

So recently in the past weekend. I had to deal with certain individuals about the t-shirt design. These occurance happened on aim, and it had a negative affect on me. Both conversation between two different individuals not only angered me, but also frustrated me. I have already cast aside my anger and frustration because it usually takes me about 1 hour to forget what had happen.

What i wanted to post about today is about one of the individuals and what they are doing now, which is extremely petty and childish.

I am currently the Membership Vice President with Jon Kong. Our platform for this term was education. To many of our active brothers have left APO because it takes a toll on their GPA.  My partner and I decided maybe if we can install 2 hours mandatory at the library that maybe people will potentially do two more hours of studying that they normally wouldn't.

A certain individual, namely, the same individual i had a very confrontational talk with online raised his hand at our plan. His question was about our inability to reinforce these two hours.

I said to him, now what has been done in the past terms has been strictly the honor system. If people want to check in and not study and check out we have no authority to watch over that.  This is the same with coho or work out hours. You can walk in sign in and come back at a later time and sign out. No body polices the check books.

I had a talk with an advisor because he felt that there is no way you can police these hours. He mentioned "if people do something like that, theres nothing you can do besides tell them good job you get a gold star for taking advantage of the system". But what i also talked to him about was what was my best plan of action against that individual, and for a lack of better words, who was talking shit with other brothers, talking down our plan. I had a pretty indepth conversation and we both agreed that the individual was being a deush (for a lack of a better word).

I understand that my partner and I's plan is not fool proof, and other terms have not done any other way besides the honor system.

BUT when an individual begins talking shit about the plan as well as telling other brothers "hey lets just go to the library and play hide and go seek" i find it EXTREMELY childish and immature. Now you would expect this from a Freshman, but to expect a Senoir in College who is about to graduate and who is about to enter the work force. I for one would not want this individual working at my buisness.

I am a firm believer that even if we are able to get one active brother who does go to the library and spends 2 hours studying and hopefully does better on an exam because of those 2 hours. i feel that we've just saved one more brother who would have contemplated leaving APO due to academic reasons.

I have decided to approach this individual and tell him "i apprectiate you asking questions about how we will handle the situation, but i do not appreciate someone undermining anothers plan to achieve a better result for the chapter, not only is it petty and immature, it goes against one of the major cardinal principles, friendship". Not only has this person served on excomm before but also took on one of the most rewarding positions there is.  I will do this on a private basis because it is not needed to have this come out in the open.

I do not want drama with APO, i want to be as fair and as opened minded as i can be. But i won't have somebody discrediting me behind my back and have them think highly of themselves.

So crazy things comming up. I have my Ochem midterm this friday which i have been studying for, but sometime tells me i'm going to be but dissapointed at my progress when i take the exam. Next potentially i might go down to Fresno for the ADK chapter, but i don't know. The next weekend i will be at serve and it'll be my birthday on that saturday! woo hoo.. 21.. i'm getting old. Haha i went back to my past journal logs and wow when reading my entries i could almost precsiely remember my thoughts and everything that went into my entries at that time. Its amazing how writing can become so emotional, contemplative. i really enjoy it. Helps destress and keep track of things.

Banquet for APO comming up and i won't have the t-shirts ready by then. Thankfully it won't be a huge letdown b/c past spokes people have taken longer. thats a load of pressure off my back. Life is good except i suck at Spanish. i hate my profesor because she says she really wants to help us, but whenever i want to go to her office hours its always been oh sorry jason can't do it.. this will be my 4th try....

I've been having these sharp pains in the left side of my head... migrains? i took some tylenol but its repeating still.. if it doesn't go away i think i'm going to call my mom and ask for some advice.

thats about it, i need to takea  quick nap before i catch the bus for schooooool.

Nothing to report. I am finally part of Alpha Phi Omega. WOO HOO. School is very tiring but i'm still going at it. I'm now the Membership Vice President of Alpha Phi Omega. Stlil working with AAAFF and hopefulyl to finish strong. Life is really good right now. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

So i tried going to sleep at 1:00am (HEY THATS A DECENT TIME FOR ME) and well i slept and woke up at 3:33am. weird time huh? anyways i've been up just doing random things. I'm pretty nervous about this quarter seeing as how i need to do well and i want to do well. I forsee many challenges for me to face and i'm going to hit all of them head on.

So Settlers of Catan. haha this game is pretty addictive because its a new strat every game. Its like dota but involves more luck because besides the initial placement of your two settlements it takes good rolls and strategy.

So the jeff thing came to pass. We're cool now i hope that incident helped him. Maybe hes still going to act that way but i think he knows a little more.

APO stuff needs to be done
AAAFF stuff needs to be done

AND i want to do the APIA thingy that i have to sign up for. *sigh* we'll see what happens

I don't have anything else to write at the moment

So i've had the most wonderful week. Besides some minor mishaps here and there, but everything has been going well. So i will describe what happen thus so far during the winter break

The first day of Las Vegas. So i was so grateful to be able to meet up with Jon Kong, Albert Tong, Tiffany Chan, and Anna in Las Vegas, with Jon's parents. We stayed in the Wynn Suite and it was amazing. I was on cloud nine.

First day.
The first day was when i got off the airplane into Las Vegas. It was my first time riding on an airplane by myself and it was pretty awesome. I met a girl name Amber from Montana and she goes to Montana State University. During the flight she kinda fell asleep and her arm fell on her. I couldn't move her arm because i didn't want to wake her up so i was left leaning forward in an awkward position waiting for her arm to move or for her to wake up. Luckily after 25 minutes (half the trip) she finally woke up because we hit some turbulance and the airplane was shaking left and right. We had a pretty good chat, she was visiting montana and she was also a junior in college so it was quite interesting. Anyways i actually met a friend of mine on the plane as well. A fellow debater. his name was Austin Refuerzo. It was amazing to see people 3 years out of high school and they still rememberd me. Awesome. So i was actually like one hour early then anybody else so i just waited at the terminal. Inside the airport there were already slot machines. haha. So i waited and then albert and jon and his family finally showed up. I was expecting to rent a car or something but actually we had limosines take us to the wynn hotel. I was in shock already. The night we had dinner and the total amount was like 1500 dollars. GASP! i couldn't believe it. The food was amazing and i was just in total awe because i could never aford any of this. I had a 12oz fillet minon and other people had prime rib and fish and rib eye and all this other EXPENSIVE! I thanked Jon's mom for dinner and they had set us up with a Show. Circus du Soleiu KA it was a pretty amazing story. Oh at dinner was where we met up with tiffany and anna. So after that we all went to the Wynn Suite and just hung out watched the Office and ordered room service. It was not bad.

2nd day
The second day. Well we slepted at like 6am. and we woke up at like 11 and we went out to eat. I believe this time we ate DIM SUM BUFFET! it was awesome at the Belagio. I ate so much it was crazy. After that we went shopping and of course i didn't buy anything. why? cause i only brought 200 bucks. but anyways we continued to shop and we had dinner at a different chinese place. i believed it was called "orchid" anyways what happen was we were on a tight schedule. Jon's dad flew in and they only had 5 tickets for phanmton so 5 people who had never seen it went. I of course have seen it in San Fran so i didn't go. I had this dessert with birds nest. It was amazing. Guava with Birds Nest. REALLY EXPENSIVE STUFF! oh my god i couldn't believe i was eating it. So after dinner me and jon kong and his 2 sisters and mom went to see a show. We went to see the beatles "Love" show. It was also performed by Circus du Solieu. It was freaking awesome! i love the bealtles. After that night we went back to the hotel and we just like took a nap

3rd day.
The third day we woke up and we went to eat at "the buffet" I forgot to mention that we were "vips" at the hotel. So there was a GIGANTIC LINE! but we just showed them our card and we cut in line to the VIP section and we got in in like 5 minutes. It was amazing. "the buffet" was a pretty good place to eat. a lot of smoked salmon and other goodies! *Sigh* good food. After eating at the Buffet we just went went shopping again next to the wynn and then we came back to eat at the same buffet chinese dim sum place as 2 yesterday. It was amazing! We had crab and other stuff. We then had to rush because today was the day of the WANG LEEHOM concert. So the concert was amazing. I never really listen to his music cause i've never heard about it, but it was good and he was a good performer. I just wish i had take more pictures and stuff. After the wang lee hom concert we went to eat again and we just went back to the hotel to chill and sleep.

4th day
The fourth day i can't really remember what happen on this day. I think we went to eat at Noddle Asia. It was pretty bad comparative to the other places we've eaten at. After that we just did more shopping getting gifts for Jon's girl. haha Jon talked to his girlfriend till like 6am every night. i twas crazy. Anyways we just went shopping then afterwards we went to eat at this place called Social house which was a fancy japanese food place next to Tangerine a club. THE KOBE BEEF BURGERS WERE AMAZING!  wow and the japanese sushi and everything. It was so much good food i was in disbeliefe. After that we rushed from the resturant all the way to Caeasars because we had to watch the Jacky Cheung Concert. He was an old singer guy that song cantonese and mandarin songs. He was pretty good. I wish i knew chinese though. Sucks to not understand what he's saying. I really want to learn the language now. AFterwards we just went back to the hotel and slept

5th day
We woke up and ordered room service and we were realyl cutting on time. I missed my pre like get intime by like 2 minutes and so i had to wait for the midnight flight. I don't even feel like typing about this stuff cause its oso bad. d Waited till midngiht to grab that flight, but it was canceled due to weather. DAMN FRESNO AND FOG! then afterwards i called scotty and tried to setup a flight to san fran the next day and i was doing that, but then he asked if i could get on a flight now and i was like i'll try and lucky it all went through and i got into san fran and scotty picked me up. I WAS SOOO RELIEVED!

6th day
So i spent Christmas with the ASAIs. IT WAS AMAZING! the Asais have done so much for me. Like i basically owe them my life. They had taught me so much, nurtured me, lectured me, and just my personality as it is now would not be the same without them. I've wrote numerous journals about the asais and scotty but its not even enough to show my appreciation. so finally after spending time with the Asais and their family and their cousins kelly and sarah, which BOTH are ADORABLE! we finalyl headed back home at like 12 midnight and got back at 3am. and that was my week.

7th day.

Leaned how to play settlers of Catan and became addicted.

8th day

had to tell a friend that he needs to calm down and that didn't work well. Will write more on both 7th and 8th day in my journal later!

So it is 4:30am and i can't sleep. I decided to write some stuff thats on my mind.

1. Alpha Phi Omega has been a wonderful experience thus so far. But lately i've been hearings about pledges and actives and stuff that goes on and its crazy. Truth be told i don't actively search for the information. It just so happens to float my way. Now i'm no virgin when it comes to this type of stuff, or what i should say precisely is that i have a tough enough skin to not be bothered by it. But shit goes down that i don't think should be going down. I have always lived the best as i could as morally as i can. Its tough though, i had a talk with a certain individual and we were dabbing at the thought of being more promiscious because hey, you're young you'll never get the chance. At that point in time i was actually quite interested in doing so. But after that talk and a day i was slapping myself at even the thought about that. I was raised to respect myself and to respect others. Do i even have the capability to be "promiscious" maybe i do maybe i don't but one things for sure i am keeping my equipment on lock down.

2. I'm a lucky guy. I have friends. Not just any friends, but great friends. Immeasurable friends. I tell people this all the time that i was just so blessed/lucky to be able to meet such great individuals that have had an impact on my life. Words cannot describe how much i appreciate them and the things i would do at any lengths to help them. I had this one dream not to long ago. It was a great dream. It was a dream that i had somehow won some lottery and i had a lot of money. I didn't spend the money on cars or houses. well actually i did, but more importantly in my dream i went to my good friends and told them. If you need any money for your college or rent or anything that would help you out. I am here for you. I expected nothing in return. It was just that satisfaction that i am helping a good friend with whatever troubles they had. I understand i can be there for them. But just paying for their college education and helping them get off loans is just so much more helpful. I had a great sleep that night, however when i woke up i couldn't but feel depressed at my current state. I have to pay off my college crap and everything else....

3. Girls. Thats what i'm going to talk to about now. Well girls and my own personality. I think most people would agree that i am not a shy person. I am very friendly and approachable. But for some reason everytime i even start remotely likeing a girl or the thought of them maybe having potential to date i start being retarded. I don't do anything mean to them or anything, i just start not being myself. When i talk to them i become really formal or i don't even talk to them at all. Its just the strangest thing. I tell people about it and i know i need to do something about it, but its just the fact that i'm in the situation i can't just tell myself to act normal. I'm really confused at the moment. There is this girl, well now actually two girls that i am interested in. Both are pretty alike in a lot of ways. But one i can talk to normally and the other i can't really. I'm confused becaue the girl i can talk normally to, i don't know if i'm talking to her normally because i don't like her, or because i can actually talk to a girl that i like normally. I find myself at a weird crossroad. Both girls are intelligent, sophisticated, attractive, easy going, and the list continues. Though each has their own flaws, its nothing even worth mentioning or i even care about. I honestly want to date a girl while in college. I think this time is a good time too expand my horizons. i guess i just need to be man enough to do something about it.

4. Friends B-day comming up. December 19th. my friend JT. This guy is quite the god father. If there was some mafia, he'd be the head boss. haha. His appearance might not be physically striking but his intelligence and friendship goes way over the average person. He's turning 21 and i won't be able to visit him. I was able to visit him last year and that was fun. Him and the gang. it was incredible. DP and ES and AY are all people i would have loved to have gotten to know if i went to their high school. Each have their own unique attributes and personality, but what it comes down to is each have this sincerity that i can feel that i can trust. People tell me i trust to easily, i say people don't trust enough.

5. Some relatives are comming down. More importantly a family friend and his girlfriend. I believe they will be spending the night at my house. They better not be fucking around (litterally) or i'm going to have to lay down the law and tell them to sleep in different rooms. haha Its funny how the new american chinese generation interacts with chinese china generation. Its a totally different atmosphere.

6. I can't wait to go to LV. though i'm not of age its going to be quite the experience especially because i'm going with people who are freaking awesome. I can't establish how lucky i am. We're going to see shows, eat, and whatever our minds think of. I feel that this will be quite the experience of a life time. Something i will remember during my college years.

So after not sleeping, and getting on a train at 5:45am and getting to fresno at 9:45am i wa finally back in town to get ready to go a funeral of a man who ment a lot to me.

I went to the funeral and my bro and dad sat right in the middle section where we could see the casket of Ducky. I didn't shed a tear. I kepted on just looking at Ducky's expression. It was an epression i'd never seen before. Ducky as i have always seen him always had a funny face. It was angry, just gentle. He had a rough grumpy exterior but a heart of gold. As i sat there looking at his face, i couldn't shed a single tear. Nothing came out at all.

The service began, and there were four gentle men who gave eulogies ( i think this is the word) of Duckys life and how they were impacted by him. Rick, Ducky's eldest son, gave the most precise as possible speach about what and who Ducky was. He gave examples and stories of his mannerisms and at that point all the memories of me and ducky started flowing back into me and once i realized i would not be able to experience those moments again. I began crying. i just couldn't hold onto it any longer. As the stories of Ducky was being told, i couldn't but remember my stories with him. We went to the Las Vegas Tournament together and other numerous tournaments up and down california. I remember his love to drive and his love to scout out other competitors. Ducky worked hard and he played hard.

Near the end of the ceremony i ate the candy that was handed out to everybody (it was supposed use to ease the pain) and i remember the time i got a cyclone chewing gum packet and thats all i could think about. Ducky, tournament, meat, chewing gum. it was just odd to place all those in my mind at the same time.

I saw a lot of familiar faces and it was astonishing to see everyone so grown up. I saw my uncle there Jeff. Its funny how the years go by and everybody changes. i've changed.

Ducky, you're out there somewhere probably enjoying a fat steak and chillin watching people with their daily work. I hope you swing by and watch over me and guide me through a life that will be as rewarding as yours was. To give back to so many people and to geniunely love the work, i will always be in jealousy of your life's story. May i too have one as great as yours. Oss

So in 3 hours i will be going back to Fresno. To attend a funeral of a man who was the closest thing to a grandfather. I never got to know his real name, but starting from when i was a little boy he was known as "Ducky". This man you would have been proud to be his grand children. He was grumpy, and foul mouthed, but he was a generous and kind hearted individual. It took a lot of him when his son (my sensei) passed away. It was a shock to everybody. I feel ashamed at all the times my parents told me to go visit him, and i reluctantly didn't go because i assumed he had many more years to live. Now i pay the consequences of my thoughts. I took for granted life, and i am suffering the consequences. The last memory i had of "ducky" well the last two was when i took him to the Ear doctor to get his ear piece fixed and it was a delightful trip. The other one was when i talked to him at the dojo. He invited me to go to Baskin Robins to have ice cream and we sat down and had a chat about my future and the future of the dojo. I wish i got to talk to him more, this man had so much knowledge about life and he had a very eventful life. One son went off to college to pursue a career and his other son took on the world with martial arts. He was a father that was proud of his children.

"Stuart Quan. Stuart Quan was a man of energy, integrity, and passion. I"ve known Stuart as far as I could remember; he was a second father to me. I received wisdom far beyond my years from this man that has been invaluable to who I am today. Every class, every lesson, everything Stuart had to say I took to heart. I still can’t believe that such a man who has touched the hearts and souls of so many has been lost. I feel so indebted to Stuart and his family for everything they have shared with me. I am so honored to call Stuart Quan Sensei. I am so humbled to call Stuart Quan my mentor. I am so blessed that Stuart was my friend. Rest in Peace Sensei. Oss."

I wrote this about Stuart Quan, Ducky's son.

Ducky Quan was a man with an immeasurable heart. I've known Ducky Quan since i could remember kicking and punching. Ducky was always there when i had tournaments and he was always my private cheering squad when my father couldn't make it. Ducky Quan is the closest thing to a Grandfather i could have ever had. Spending quality time with this man was a gift in itself. I can't believe that when i walk through the dojo doors, i won't see him with his face giving me stern looks of comical dissapointment. i loved that grumpy foul mouthed old man. I am just so lucky i've had the chance to be a part of his life. I will pass on everything you have taught me ducky. Oss

This is a quote i found on a friends page that really helped me through tough times.

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go."

Ducky you are a champ

So i missed my spanish final because of a dumb calender error. Its the most rediculous thing a human can do and i did it. Everytime i fail its like i'm dissapointing myself, my friends, family, and my dreams. This has been a pretty rough 3 months. Academics is a huge thing and i can't be doing this shitty. i am an intelligent person. I know i can do whatever i set my aim too, but for some reason i have the right accuracy, but the bullet just falls short of the target everytime. I think i really understand what my brother talked about when he said things just aren't going his way and he was just down in the dumps. i tried to consol him and help him out, but i didn't know really understand what he was going through. Now i do. Its like the dream being crumpled into a paper ball and thrown into the trash and someone laughing at you. It sucks to feel this way. I don't know if anybody knows how personally i take all these failures. i need to do something about it. Its weird though, i am trying, i even signed up for LSC tutors and shit and to no avail im getting kicked in the nuts while i'm on the ground. I talked a lady friend of mine about everything thats been going on, or more exactly like pledge mom and she had this to tell me.

"To me, I just view everything as an experience. We label it "failure" or "success," when in fact it's just an experience. And we can learn from every experience—good, bad, or indifferent."

and all i can do is learn from this. she also said you know, academics is important, but there is more to life then academics. the friendships created, the memories set in stone. the valuable late night talks with friends. I don't think i won't be able to graduate, its just doing well enough for med school. I need to learn from this experience and move on. I can't run away, i won't run away. I have to face the giant hole i put myself in and claw my way out.

So i had finally taken care of my first final and it was horrific. I find it rather irritating when people tell me that Bio 101 is easy. I guess i was unfortunate to get Professor Sanders. His final was really hard, and if i have to re-take his class i'm going to have to shoot myself. This quarter isn't really going the way i want it to be going. Academically i'm not failing but not doing good enough for med school, i'm right at the border but it keeps going into the other direction that i want it to go. Everything else wise is doing well. Making new friends and stronger bonds and experiencing new things.

I want to go to Med school, well to be honest its not a want, its more of a well if i get in then cool alright i'm going to med school.... I don't really know what my drive in school is right now. I want to do well because i know i can do well, but my future occupation i have no idea what i want to do. A friend of mine, maybe half jokingly, suggested i partner with him for buisness. This guy is out of my league, not only is he already experiencing what its like to be doing buisness, he is part of a family that continually does buisness. I'm not talking about regular buisnessmen who deal with inner city partners and small inventories, i'm talking about networking outside the country and making a lot of money.

I don't know if i want to make a lot of money personnally, i mean it would be nice to make a lot so i can support those who are in need like family or good close friends, but if i could have enough where i don't have to worry about eating out whenever i want, or worry about the PG&E bill just the minor stuff that would be awesome. I don't know where my life will take me, hopefully to something more fufilling then doing a job in a cubicle somewhere.

Last year, i was hit by big rig when i was called by a fellow student that my karate sensei had past away. It was so unreal, so impossible. I had studied under this man since the age of 3. Stuart Quan was my hero. A nationally recognized competitior, ranked #1 in the world and stunt man, he was somebody who had accomplished so much. I literally broke down when i heard he had past away. He had been training for a triathelon event and during a ski trip with his friends his heart gave way and they were not able to recisitate him. I was at his funeral and there was thousands of people there, each paying their respects for a man who had changed or had impacted them. At that funeral i promised i would never cry while facing him. It was so hard. Studying under this man for over 15 years of my life i too had become a grand championship competitior in California. I remember at one of the tests he told me after i had been hit hard and was crying, that he didn't want me to cry in front of him, and that he wanted me to focus on getting the next point. So at that funeral i walked up to the casket and bowed and payed my respects not crying while facing in, but after i turn away i let loose everything i held in.

And now his father, who i considered a Grandparent to me has passed away. Just yesterday i recieved another phone call and again i was hit by a big rig. "ducky" was his nick name and he was the most loud crabby old man that i've ever known. I would go on tour with him because he liked to drive and be at the competitions. I traveled down to las vegas with him and up to sacromento and have stopped at many cities between for tournaments. He was the funniest old grandpa anybody could imagine. He too has passed away. His wife Joyce, who has always given me confidence after her son's death lost her mind and began to decline in health. This previous summer i taught lessons at the Dojo because i felt i needed to give back to the Dojo that gave me so much. This winter soon i will have to attend duckies funeral and i will again break down.

This has taught me that life is so fragile and not to take things for granted. Its tough in this world not to take anything for granted. If theres anything i cherish the most is the friendships created through random events. I need to do something with my life that will impact others.

So i literally woke up today, somewhat sweaty and feeling like shit. Fuck i have a cold. I woke up at 6am and then at 8am and then at 11am. And between each of those wake ups i had three unique dreams. I don't remember them all but my mind reasons that each of those dreams represented something important. So i have my final tomorrow, and i am not the least bit stressed. Its not that i have my material down but its because i feel i can study and gain the knowledge that i need to do well. It is also because i've decided not to stress as much as i used too. When i was younger when i had exams for AP classes i used to stress out and i'd break out in hives. it wasn't fun. I need to get my shit done.

I had petco service yesterday and i got to hang out with dogs, well more specifically dogs that had no homes, and i couldn't but feel like taking them all home and giving them a shelter. I never did have animals, but i'm sure i would have liked to have one. This got me thinking that when i'm older i'm going to get myself a dog.

This college year has been the most exiciting and most interesting so far. I joined the davis racing dragons (a dragon boat team) and i am currently pledging for Alpha Phi Omega and i joined the Asian American Association Film Festival Committee. I've made new friends and through all these experiences i think i've found my calling in the working world. I believe that i can do well in the Buiness world. I don't mean a job in a cubicle, but some job that i travel and meet others, make deals, leads others. I don't know what the future entails, but a job like that would be amazing.

Now on to studying

I think my life is filled with things i want to write down about. My memory isn't perfect so i hope to write down as much as i can about each unique experience i am a part of everyday.